Staying in love

What is the difference between happily married couples who stay in love and those who don’t?

Forty-three years ago, I asked this question in the first year of my undergraduate degree in Psychology at UNSW. Here are some of the ‘little’ things I found contribute to big pay-offs toward people being in love and staying in love.

Both are devoted to one another, they invest time, and energy to share their inner thoughts openly expressing affection in many different ways. Both do not take their relationship for granted; actively, they ensure the marriage relationship remains the priority of being together where agreement exists about the significant dynamics required to facilitate a wholesome marriage.

Freely they give laying their life down for the other to enhance a reciprocated dwelling together.

They are best friends knowing they are accepted for who they are; there is this wanting to be with one another, a confiding in one another, they seek each other out to share and to be involved in life together … there is this bonding, unexplainable but intangible and real to the couple.

Frequently they say “I love you” coming as naturally as breathing, without compunction or necessity

Physically they are affectionate, holding hands, cuddling, hugging, and touching; they often don’t need to speak words, because intuitively they know the other

Communication is the key to every good relationship as blood is to the body, so communing in openness and honesty fosters the flow of living together and a trust

Therefore, they verbalize appreciation, admiration, and approval through appropriate means that the other understands and enjoys

Actively the couple gives attention to attending to the other’s needs and wants; it is understood they are not required to meet those needs and wants necessarily, but they convey understanding

The couple share thoughts and feelings, disclosing to each other their hearts and minds, they confide in each other

They have no desire to be separated from each other, nor do they enjoy lengthy separations, (one missionary couple said to me once, “I can’t wait till he leaves on a teaching tour”. How sad!)

They enjoy simple times together, sharing or preparing a meal, watching a sunset, walking on the beach, or sharing a chat over a coffee.

They express their love materially, giving little gifts or notes to one another; they find any excuse to express affection by giving what the other enjoys. (flowers, perfumes, chocolates, a movie, a special dinner, etc.)

They create time alone together; e.g. special date nights or occasional weekends to fuel their relationship. Spontaneity is a good servant as is generosity and honest open transparency.

They honor one another and respect one another for their integrity and faithfulness (Children learn to honor and respect from parents.) Likewise, good seeds are sown in the spiritual domain of a relationship when they honor and respect their parents. Bad seeds are sown through disrespect and dishonor.

Trust is borne of a deep respect for agreeing on what the significant unbreakables are. Knowing you can put your person in the hands of another without fear is unbreakable. (They do not slander, hold grudges, devoid of deliberate stubbornness and wilful pride, and lying. These destroy trust).

They seek to forgive quickly, with openness and honesty.

Each enjoys sharing ‘hobbies’, and recreations, they both enjoy. Indeed, the more the overlap of interests, the more intimacy develops. They cannot imagine life without the other who shares so much in common. Some years ago I said to my son, ‘When you find someone who you can’t live without, marry them.” I think he understands now. LOL.

However, in healthy relationships, they do not smother each other but encourage the other to enjoy activities/& or a hobby of their interest without the need for the other’s involvement

They give naturally without rules or requirements dictating attitudes or behavior: Their behavior comes from devotion not duty, further, they do not seek commitment from one another, rather they understand commitment is the fruit of a deep love.

Oh yes, then there is the sex thing. This is the one thing that flows from all else said before. This binds a couple together bringing oneness in the union of the ‘one flesh’

It is self-evident that couples who behave this way towards one another do not hide from each other or mislead one another.  Indeed, being vulnerable, open, honest, and transparent to one another is a normal and accepted part of being whole in a healthy relationship. This form of relationship does not mean they are perfect but behave and have attitudes that foster and facilitate a level of intimacy in a relationship otherwise not enjoyed by others.

The ‘one flesh’ relationship is a wonder to behold. One flesh comes from the attitude and behavior of both the husband and the wife towards one another. It is a rarity.

“It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are; the ones who’d do anything to see you smile and love you no matter what”. Deborah Hutton on Friendship in Voyeur Virgin Airlines Magazine 2016

© Wayne R Crockford

The three musts, if one is absent in a relationship, a high probability of Divorce will occur</em>

Intercessory Prayer for Family

The Family Prayer of Reconciliation (Song of Songs, Malachi, 1 Chron. 4: 9 -10 and Psalms 91)

As a single parent I prayed this prayer daily over my two children, my son Joshua as he served in the army in Afghanistan, and for my daughter Kailia as she took the Gospel of Jesus Christ to many nations as she works in Africa. If you find this helpful, peace and blessings as you bless your families and those you love.

These are not words to recite or pray, they are not merely words; they come from the heart of love. Behind the intercession, you love, you cannot do aught else, you know God, His love, you believe God! Therefore you know He is the One who will do it.

You know that you know, He is Faithful and True, truly you desire on earth, His will to be done as in heaven.

It is a breaking of the reticence within to see the will of the Father occur, you sacrifice, allow the Holy Spirit draw you close, there you leave behind the flesh’s effort to achieve what you think needs to happen. Many are given to the expectation that their children will do or follow what they say.

In the place of prayer more occurs than words, or expecting God do what you ask. He speaks into your life, your assumptions to bring about your ‘request’ for your children.

These are the Scriptures I received. It is for you to receive the appropriate Scriptures relevant to your children. I cannot agree following my prayer is the way to go. The heart and work of prayer is. There is no formula to bring success. The way to go is to receive what the Holy Spirit wants you to break your heart over for your children and those you ‘intercede’ for. Please do not think merely saying this prayer is the way to go to bring the results you require. Once you start interceding and breaking your heart, weeping and refusing to let go of God, you begin to understand His way and heart, a nearness to God signifies the pleasure of God, our Father.

………………

“O Father that you would bless and redeem my family restoring righteousness, purity, holiness and faith to trust You in all our days, separating J & K and myself unto Your ways.

Destroy the works of the evil one in our lives. Redeem our family line through the Cross of Christ working its way out in each. May Truth, honesty, and mercy and compassion fill our days as unto You.

Father that You would Bless J & K and their spouses to be, their families and their extended families and myself indeed, mightily, magnificently, and extravagantly in every area of our lives; expanding us to grow in You together. That J maybe the love of his wife’s life and he the love of her life unto death. Likewise, I ask for K that she may be the love of her husband’s life and he the love of her life, faithful unto death.

Father, turn my heart, and J & K’s heart to love one another deeply. May my heart be Your heart for them. May we be one in You Lord Jesus; where there is estrangement turn our hearts, as a father to my children, J & K, and their hearts to me, their father, lest You strike the earth or our nation with a curse.

Teach us Lord Jesus to love as You loved, that the gifts You have given to each of us may build Your household, as we together, Your community love one another mightily, magnificently, and extravagantly.

That each would dwell in the secret place, abiding in You the Most High; the Almighty dwelling in us as we lean upon the arm of our Beloved as we come out of the wilderness

Open our hearts to know You love us and Your desire is toward us, heal us, restore us to health, healing and wholeness as we walk in You, as we surrender to Your will and purposes for each. I give both J & K to You for Your will and purposes; take them where You will do with them as You will.

Jesus, that You would cause us all to take refuge under your wings and that You would cover us, our persons, our families and our dwellings and keep us safe from every perilous pestilence and every weapon and agenda of man, the world, the flesh and the Devil.

That You who is the Truth would be our shield and the hedge around us from every evil of delusion, denial, deception, slander, gossip, and lying accusation; that we may not be caught in the web of judging one another and speaking of one another unrighteously.

That the ways and works of men will cease and each, J & K and myself would yield to you, laying down our lives one for the other in the Cross.

That we may love one another mightily, magnificently, and extravagantly in our foibles, failings, fallacies and even at times our faithlessness.

That you would give Your strong guardian Angels charge over us to keep us in all our ways, that they would bear us up in their hands lest we even dash our foot against a stone

That you would enlarge J & K, and my territory and restore to us all that is lost in every area of our lives. Restore family to each, redeeming our hurts and brokenness.

That Your hand would be with J & K, and myself for good so that our lives would be for good to those around us.

That You would keep us from evil and You would keep evil from us, open our eyes to behold Your glory, Your goodness, that we may be gentle, giving each the gift we are one to the other.

Father teach J & K, and myself to tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent trampling them underfoot in Christ Jesus.

That J & K, and myself would set our love upon You, seeking You with all our hearts, forsaking all else honouring You in every word, thought and deed.

That we may cause no pain or hurt to anyone or anything; walking in wisdom, understanding and knowing You, draw J & K and myself close to you that Your nearness is for our good and the good of those with whom we have to do.

That we may speak the Truth to each other in Love, honouring one another and preferring one another, caring for one another and sharing all we have one with the other, that His Body may be nourished and nurtured as He intended; edifying itself in Love.

That J & K, and myself, Your people, Your Family may be joined and knit together in ‘koinonia’ and ‘agape’ by what each provides, effectively working together as each does its share.

Restore Your Community of love to nurture and to nourish Your people that we may lay our lives down one for the other in the Cross as unto Christ.

That we in the midst of Life may always turn to You in our hearts, deliver J & K and myself, set us free to honour You mightily, magnificently, and extravagantly, that with long life You would satisfy J & K, and myself as we walk in You and the Holy Spirit.

May our days be anointed with Your nearness, goodness, forsaking all else to be near to You.

May that be so for J&K and myself, for your church, our nation, and Oceania and Your world till you come.

Even so, Lord Jesus come! We desperately need you!

The God who is there

“If God is God, why doesn’t He care for those starving, where is He?

This question always came up without fail in debates at universities where I was a Chaplain.

I think God in His love for us, loves our questions. God has a sense of humor, he certainly did in this instance.

She was bright young lass in her final year at Sydney University. An ‘A’ level student YAVISF to the max. (Young, Attractive, Vocal, Intelligent, Single and Female) The right combination to be at university, a player and very ambitious to get ahead in her profession. Often she visited friends in our community student housing.

One day, she asked the usual questions thrown in with accusations that God couldn’t be God because the world was in such a mess. Then, she trotted out the starvation question. “If God is God, why doesn’t He care for those starving, where is He?

I asked her,” You care for those dying of starvation?”

She looked at me suspiciously wondering where I was going. Smart lass. “Of course, who wouldn’t? People should have food, shelter … and clean water.”

“I agree, so does God. Will you be His hands and feet to provide for them? … that’s what He wants … people who care for others the way He does. He wants all of us to love others the way He does because we love Him. Love is the issue. What do you love that decides where your feet tread?”

She got the implications immediately. A bright lass indeed! She didn’t know where to go. Embarrassed she smiled, she understood. Finally, she said, “I see what you mean, God needs hands and feet to answer their needs if he’s real.” I loved the integrity of this young woman, that is why I remember her and her questions.

We continued to discuss the causes of poverty in the world and the love of God for His creatures and His ways. The world systems that denied food, clean water, and shelter, human greed and preoccupation with wealth creation and money, the self interest and the lack of concern for others . We discussed religion and the beliefs that caused people to starve e.g. rats in India, farmers refusing to kill them because of their reincarnation beliefs etc.

Yet for Christians, it is simple! All will be gathered before Him on that Day. It will be either, “Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world” because His Kingdom lives in us now!

WOW! How good is that!

Or ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

Please consider these weighty words of Jesus:

Matthew 25:31-46 (NKJV) 31 “When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33 And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’ 41 Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’ 44 Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Fear God! He is the only One worth your living and worship. Who you serve is important deciding your eternal future. Jesus said there is a choice, God or mammon (money).

If we choose Him, He provides a purpose and direction in life, giving a meaning to all we are.

Vicktor E. Frankl, psychiatrist, author, lecturer, theorist made an astounding statement in his book, Man’s Search For Meaning. “As to the causation of the feeling of meaningless, one may say, albeit in an oversimplifying vein, people have enough to live but nothing to live for; they have the means but no meaning.” Frankl captures our age’s dilemma.

Unfortunately, this meaningless seems rampant in churches as well with large numbers leaving assemblies.

My young friend looked for meaning but found little in the church to radically attract her to give her life for. She saw the thump, thump, the razzamatazz, the hype of the megachurch her friends in the community house attended but not the love Jesus said would mark us.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is compelling, providing identity with God and His will. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is love, lived and given to all within reach. It is not a fuzzy warm kind of feeling but a sacrificial laying down of our lives for one another.

I await this to see the power and goodness of God restored to our midst for people like my young friend to find a home in our midst, the Household of God. May she come home to Him who yearns over her.

This is NOT legalism nor an attempt to manipulate or coercion to apply effort to your willpower screws to do better. It is a question of love for God and each other and those with whom we have to do each day; abiding in Him and He in us; the work of the Holy Spirit lifting Jesus high in each life. Each one of of us will stand before Him. It is a heart matter.

This is not popular to say this truth today.

For me, I become more aware of Him and His greatness resulting in the fear of the Lord which instructs me and informs my actions and behaviours, the words I say about others, that I do no harm to anyone.

His people who His Spirit abides in, lifts up Christ within us to give that cup of water, to clothe and feed the hungry, to visit those in prison, to be His hands and feet. I see the church, the Christ community does heaps of this. However, the fields are white unto harvest, pray you the Lord of the harvest to thrust forth laborers into His Harvest. Please note, Jesus said this in the context of being concerned with compassion because His people were like sheep without a shepherd!

Hear the heart of Jesus for those He loves and wants you to love.

Matthew 9:35-38 (NKJV)
³⁵  Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people.
³⁶  But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd.
³⁷  Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few.
³⁸  Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.”

Some years ago I asked theological students a question when the discussion shifted to ‘revival’. They were ‘hot’ for God, full of passion and hubris. My question: “Will God grant us more people to use and abuse if we can’t look after what He has already given to us?” I am sure you can imagine the resulting heated debate that I would dare to ask such a question. Indeed one young aspirant denounced me in front of his peers.

For me, it all depends what your heart seeks. On that day you will receive the reward of your choice and labours; either the ‘Come, you blessed of my Father’ or the ‘Depart from me you cursed’. It is your choice.

The bright young lass heard the heart of God. Like so many she went her way to consider our discussion. I pray for her still to know the One she questioned.

More importantly, I pray for the restoration of Christ in our midst to revolutionise our living radically caring and loving one another.

As it was in Jesus day, so it is today. His people are like sheep without a shepherd. The Church of Jesus Christ is a dysfunctional mess at the moment.

He is the Way, He is the Life and He is the Truth. There is no other.

What is love, a beautiful response

Enjoy the simplicity, children have a way of getting to the core of things

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’ The answers they got were broader, deeper, and more profound than anyone could have ever imagined!

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore… So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ Rebecca – age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ Billy – age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ Karl – age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ Chrissy – age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ Terri – age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’ Danny – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and just listen.’ Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.’ Nikka – age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.’ Noelle – age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ Tommy – age 6

‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ Cindy – age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ Clare – age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ Elaine – age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ Chris – age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ Mary Ann – age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ Lauren – age 4

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image!) Karen – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross…’ Mark – age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ Jessica – age 8

And the final one: The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry.’
Be a child again today!

Things that fall off the back of the truck!

You do not expect the unexpected when you are tired and hungry and just want to go to bed at the end of a hard and disappointing day. I arrived in Glen Innes in the early evening after my caravan broke an axel in Warwick. I left the caravan at the repairers who said it may take a month or two to re-machine a new axel. The manufacturer did not have an axel in stock because my van was old. Apparently, too many caravan travellers were experiencing broken equipment providing caravan repairers with heaps of work. Good for them, but not for me.

After three months of travelling between Canberra and parts of south east Queensland in ministry, the caravan had become home for my dog Mickey and me. That night, I missed my home on wheels with all my familiar.

I settled into my motel in Glen Innes, then went looking for something to eat. I drove around Glen Innes to discover a decent feed instead of Maccas. Aaahh! The Highlands Restaurant looked like a top place, a little more swish than the normal quick affair. Not so the lass behind reception smiling informed me, “Sorry the kitchen is closed.”

“What? You closed your kitchen, its only 8.34?”

Disappointed, I exited quality saying to myself, “Looks like it’s a McDonalds night, ol’mate.”. I walked outside the restaurant across the well-kept lawn towards my car parked on the nearby New England Highway. That is when the adventure began.

The night was dark, uneventful as I walked on the grass. A little red cattle truck trundled by at speed.

‘Plop!’ a black calf dropped on its tummy onto the road in front of me.

“What!” I said.

Then, another black calf joined its friend, hitting the road hard, stumbling onto its side, then staggering back onto its legs. I looked at the little red cattle truck, his rear door swinging in the breeze, open. I thought, “He is losing his stock. I had better let this poor bloke know.”

So, running to my car, I climbed in, secured my dog Mickey and started my Hyundai Santa Fe in pursuit of the blighter. Man, he was moving! I could only see his taillights in the distance.

I pursued him at speed. Some five kilometres later I drove around a bend in the highway, hit the brakes and swerved, there another blackie, he stood in my headlights, dazed in the middle of the road. Maybe she was a female, anyway no time to discover the gender 😊! I resolved to catch this blighter, poor cattle.

At last, got to a few hundred metres behind him, began blowing my horn, flashing high beam, but he continued!

Oh no! Two more cattle were about to fall off the back of the truck, slowing to a stop I watched the scenario unfold; they hit the road hard. Amazed, I thought, “How come they still get up after such a fall?” The little red truck was doing at least 80 – 90 kms per hour.

One of them, a creamy lurched to stand on its legs in front of my car. Blood poured from an injury on the hind quarters and down its tail.

In the distance, the truck continued. Then, the left indicator blinked on.

I drove to within a few metres of the bewildered beasts.

Ooopphhs! Way in the distance along the long straight stretch of highway, at least two trucks or semi-trailers were heading south on the opposite lane. I assessed both the cattle and me were in danger from collision.

Problem solving is a strength of mine having taught it in management for many years. I wish I had been better at it that evening!

 I drove closer to the two beasts standing in the middle of the highway. I placed my car to their right-side figuring if I did that they would go into the bush to the left away from my car and the oncoming vehicles. Thankfully, they scampered into the bush as I had hoped, with time to spare.

That done, I drove to the next turnoff where I estimated the truck indicated it turned; no sign of the blighter in either direction.

I pulled my car off the road to phone the police. Civic duty done, I returned to Glen Innes with the thought, “Maccas it is tonight, Crock, old lad!”. Not happy, I felt like a decent feed. “Well, that’s life, ol’mate. Sometimes a plan comes together, others, it sure doesn’t.” I laughed, bought my Maccas, shared it with Mickey boy, went back to the motel and went to bed.

Thought that’s the last I’d hear of it all.

Travelling from Glen Innes to Newcastle to stay with my friend John Neil and to share with Rod & Bev Eastaway home church, the phone rings, pulled over as hands free on the GPS is somehow stuffed.

An official voice sounded announcing he is a detective from Glen Innes, “Are you Wayne Crockford who reported the incident of the stolen cattle last night in Glen Innes?”

Me: “Stolen? They were stolen?”

“Yes, 25 head from the cattle sale yards. Would you go through the details for me? We are investigating. The truck was stolen too.”

I told him the story, with many questions and clarifications. Civic duty done. That was the first of many assistance calls to the constabulary. Later, a delightful detective senior constable from the stock squad phoned me to clarify some points for her. On the outskirts of Newcastle, she phoned to let me know they had recovered 16 of the 25 head but with creamy still missing; a search on horseback was in progress through the dense scrub for creamy. She questioned me about whether I was sure the vehicle had turned left in a westerly direction. Hhhmm? I told her I would phone her back after I revisited the events of the evening. Later, I sat down checked the events as they unfolded. I realised I assumed the vehicle turned left because I saw the left indicator blinking. I did not see the vehicle turn.

I phoned her back, told her my assumption. Then, she informed me, twelve of the cattle were found to the east on a right access road after falling off the back of the truck. It became apparent, turning the left indicator on to go west was a ruse to throw me or the police off the trail. Cunning blighter!

Cattle duffing is alive and well in Captain Thunderbolt country in the northern highlands of New South Wales!

(Now repeated into folklore with my friends and anyone who will listen, providing much laughter at its telling!)

Christ-mas, the Greatest story of Love

Following is an article I was asked to write for the Tamil Magazine ‘Kavoli’ by the Tamil Community Society (Hindu, Buddhist, Christian members).

The story of Christ-mas is the story of the greatest love ever told. The love of Yahweh, the God who made all things and all people and is above all. His creation was perfect, made in wisdom with great tenderness and love. The great beauty and grandeur, the astounding array of depth and diversity in colour, form, and function of all in creation worked together in perfection for the enjoyment of all with Yahweh. God loved what He made; He sang over creation with jubilant joy. His crowning glory were the man and the woman who He made like Himself.

Man and woman were to enjoy each other’s companionship, and to know Yahweh as friend. This, they could do because they were made of the same stuff, a holy purity of being, the spirit in a human body; the capacity to connect with the Divine and each other. He who was and is love communicated goodness, gentleness, generosity, and godliness. That is the way we were and are to be!

Evil came, seduced the crowning glory of perfection and purity, the man and woman. Evil broke what was. No longer holy or pure they descended into malevolent acts breaking the intent of godliness. Goodness and generosity fled from their hearts. Then humans became less than they were that day, they fell … losing the spiritual connection, the capacity to love God, each other, His creation, and being close to Him. They listened to foul lies, deceived they did, but did not do what Yahweh said. They paid a horrible price for disobedience, wracked with guilt, shame and bitterness they fled, they hid.

The children of the man and woman inherited the punishment of their forebears through many millennia. Yet, the Promise remained as Yahweh, Father, Son and Holy Spirit watched humans’ destructive natures destroy His creation. Infected with evil’s intent to hate, to curse, to lie, to steal and to murder and many other unmentionable sins, war, sickness, poverty, and disease ravaged mankind.

But Love conquers all. Yahweh came, pronounced His punishment on evil. He gave hope for fallen mankind. He promised to send One who would restore relationship and love with Him and their fellow fallen. Christ-mas is the celebration of the fulfillment of His promise given in love, two millennia ago.

He provided a way evil did not see. A way for all to choose, to return to the ways of Yahweh or to continue to follow evil.

In the fullness of time, Yahweh fulfilled His Promise, He sent His Son, the Chosen One to restore relationship with the people He made. The longing of those who groaned for what was in the beginning and what was to come, beheld His First coming … but not as many expected.

The shepherds in the fields, the off casts, those on the outer He treated to angelic choirs proclaiming the arrival of the One sent in love.

As a babe, a man child born of the heavens, vulnerable and dependent upon a human mother, a virgin young woman in a poor town, the Holy Spirit joined Heaven and Earth in the One. Yahweh spoke to the intended of the Virgin Miriam to father His Son on Earth. Without name or prestige, without position, power or privilege or the prosperity of the Heavens, the Promise came. Such is the wisdom of the Almighty, All-Knowing One, Yahweh.

God has His ways, men and women have theirs.

The rich, the powerful, the renowned and the religious sought to do away with the Babe in the animal’s manger. Yet, the Babe’s Father withheld their malevolence.

The arrival of God’s Promise, Yeshua of Nazareth all those centuries ago signalled a new hope of restored intimate relationship with Yahweh , a peace to heal the brokenness and despair of humankind, a joy unspeakable for the forgiveness of sins never to be mentioned again, a power to live a pure live free from malevolence, His Presence never to ever leave those who put their trust in His provision of forgiveness. He would never leave them or forsake them, for you see He is eternal; He grants an eternal life of purity, peace and Presence for those who love Him, who want to be with Him Forever.

Mankind in doing what mankind does, in crucifying the Promise, fulfilled the Purpose of Love to restore mankind to be His Household forever. After His ordeal of death, His Father raised Him conquering evil for all time, till He come again.

This is the full story  of Christ-mas, the love of God in His Son, Yeshua, a Jew (Jesus to the Roman world, Isa to the Muslim world, many names He bears but one Person is He) who yearns over His creatures, to bless them, to heal them, to restore peace and well-being to them if they will but ask for forgiveness so as to walk with Him in His ways in this short life.

Christmas means many things to many peoples, somewhere, many lost the true meaning of His coming. Sentimentality, religious bigotry, and commerce corrupts today’s celebrations. Most know Him not, but He remains faithful. The Promise is offered to all who will hear and call out to Him in their hearts. He loves His creation, and each and every person who walks this Earth.

Peace, and Joy be yours this Christmas. May His Presence fill your being with Light, Life and Love. 

Change

(Excerpts from my book to be published) Copyright Wayne R Crockford 1998

Change is upon the church whether it is liked or not. Further, regardless of the prophetic evangelical movements over the last sixty years calling the church to faithfulness, most congregations remain stubbornly the same believing it is business as usual; today, that is a death knell. This is a different day; change is upon His church.

Change is not new to the modern church.

The religious landscape of church across the world has drastically changed over the last sixty years. Loyalty to a brand of denomination no longer exists as in previous generations due to wide-sweeping changes in society, the rejection of formal organised religion, and modern assumptions of what church is and how it operates[1]. These profound changes in society[2] have been rapid, intrusive, disorienting, and extensive for individuals, communities, and institutions, but, particularly for the nuclear family, cut off from generational and community support[3] through the fragmentation of society[4]. 

Added to this phenomenon of the shift in the landscape of church there is a movement of people leaving institutional church congregations seeking alternative expressions of faith and spirituality. These leavers reject institutional forms but not their faith in Christ[5]. They seek something more meaningful they believe is crucial and central to New Testament faith and life, a church vibrant as in the New Testament.

A surprising group of leavers is the once very-committed leaders who want nothing to do with Institutionalism or formal religion; they were dedicated leaders at the forefront of their congregations. They seek the illusive notion called community, those enduring relationships who will be there for one another. In other words, they are done with task focused congregations following a man or a woman’s visions and goals. They seek New Testament relationships they see in the Scriptures.

These leavers seeking authentic Christian living together are disdained and rejected by hierarchical clergy as misfits or the maladjusted, written off as worthless. Research in the USA, UK, and NZ reveals these disparate groups represent nearly as many as attend institutional formal meetings on Sunday. Even the bastion of Sydney Anglican evangelicalism experiences declining attendance. No one group is immuned to this phenomena.

No society, no church has ever faced what society and the churches face today. It is unprecedented in human history.

However, some twenty-five years ago, I came to realise if the churches were to return to the ways of God, it would take a cataclysmic event or a series of events to tear up preconceived notions of what church is and the powerful vested interests of the few men and women who hold power. Further, old habits die hard, to change requires intentionality. Therefore, radical surgery requires revolutionary treatment if the death throes is to be reversed and His Body restored.

The Coronavirus is cataclysmic in a mild way as it disrupts life as we know it. It is an opportunity, if seized, to question well-worn ruts and to discover creative ways to live as His people … outside the proverbial box of human making.

The essential nature in this hour of unprecedented change and upheaval in the Church and society is for His people, His Bride to find her calling and inheritance; that can only be found close to Him; journeying out of what is into Him, together. There, as we are so taken with Him nought else matters, certainly not religious organizational power, and position with all its benefits to the few at the peak of the hierarchy.

Christian organizational consultants are not the answer. Organization is a major problem to the church. For forty years I studied and lectured organizational psychology and sociology.

So, what are we to do? Let us return to the simplicity of the Gospel. Seek first His Kingdom, His glory, to lay aside all, including preconceived notions of operations, positions and power structures required by institutionalism. We are not called to form organisations or to run well-oiled meetings regardless of how important many find such. We are called to follow Him; the sacrifices of the heart are an offering of worship and surrender, let us see Jesus lifted high once again in His Church.

The call is to Return to His ways, to Restore[6]His Church and His people in living, relationships, and ministry; may His restoration grab our attention.

We have come to this hour due to the enormous changes in society and the church adopting the world’s ways.

We are to discover what is crucial about who we are as a people in God, so as never to go down rabbit holes again to take us away from knowing Him intimately.

Much is to change.

The challenge to change is upon every denominational sect within the Church, not according to the ways of men and women or the ways of corporatisation and organisational dynamics, but in hearing what the Spirit says to the churches; there, love and relationship operate to do His will and ministry His way.

---

[1] Philip Hughes, “A Maze or a System: Changes in the Worldview of Australian People,” CRA Publications, 1994, 14.

[2] Ibid., 2.

[3] Philip Hughes, ed., Building Stronger Communities (Sydney: University of New South Wales Press, 2007), 14–29.

[4] Ibid., 16.

[5] Roger Thoman, (Ca) Simple House Church Revolution (USA, 2008), 3–5.  A growing number of people are leaving the institutional church for a new reason. They are not leaving because they have lost faith. They are leaving the (institutional) church to preserve their faith.[5]

[6] New King James Version (Thomas Nelson, Inc., 1982). Lamentations 5:21-22

Australia here I come!

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY

Sunday,27^th September 2020

Come November, I’ll be changing my address … to travelling the roads and towns of this great land of Oz! Yes, that’s right, after eleven wonderful years in Canberra, it is time to leave here in early November. God led me here in His will providing work and a place to recreate my relationship with Him after a devastating marriage break down and being a single parent of my two children for five years. Indeed, it has been a precious eleven years here without demands or expectations. I will miss it. 😊

Over the next two years, I will drive many thousands of kilometres, share with many who need encouragement, care, and inspiration, intercede in many places for people. Further, I will continue my research as I travel. I withdrew from the doctorate this year but will continue the research burning in my heart to see the restoration of what God means us to be.

In April 2018, at the Oikos Australia National Conference in Melbourne, the Lord spoke to me about country towns and people doing it tough. Unfortunately, from then till recently I experienced medical episodes. Over time, my doctor stabilised these ailments and conditions. They are now under control.    

Here I am, I am 74 after Christmas, launching into something new. I do not seek a great thing, simply to be available to God, to be there for whoever God puts in my way. Many are seeking for something more than they currently experience in God and church. I want to see what God means, and what He wants to do for those I am to meet.

My hunger is for God, His ways, and His people. Fifty-six years ago, the Lord spoke to me from Isaiah 58 and the people He would raise. God laid on my heart in 1973, His church, calling me to set the His people free into His ways. I did not understand then and I am not sure I understand now. I am still learning.

COVID-19 causes multitudes to question what church is. There is this amazing opportunity to reset church as God intended and revealed in the New Testament. Many go to church few experience church as God means her to be. Jesus didn’t come to start a religion but to bring any who would believe into a relationship with Father God. (Not religion but relationship). Change comes to His people.

The other group of people I seek to serve are the disaffiliated, those who no longer attend organized formal religion but seek alternative expressions of faith and spirituality to be church. Research reveals this group is enormous, written off and disregarded by denominationalism and institutionalism. These are my brothers and sisters, doing it tough.

The research I will conduct will be at grassroots level enquiry into both alternative and institutional expressions of church. All this will contribute to the books I am writing.

I love Him, I love His church, I love sharing Scripture and praying for people to see the Holy Spirit intervene. Simply I go to encourage, to be there, to be a friend.

I love informal settings and one on one to share Jesus, to hear what the Spirit says to the churches re discipleship, pastoral care, and leadership.

What is my plan?

Very simply, drive from town to town, wait upon God, see who the people of peace are, build friendships and stay as required. I anticipate once this starts to happen, some will find my encouragement important. Some will refer me to the next town or person they know. I will listen to the Holy Spirit. I ask for us to partner in active prayer, enduring fellowship, and any financial assistance. This cannot be done by me disconnected from you. I need you! We are His Body. Wednesday, 8^th Sept 2020, the Lord spoke His word into my spirit. “Wayne, sell all you have, come follow me.” Years came together, this Divine gentle peace and joy-filled my being. I said, “Yes Lord”.

I live in an ACT government/community housing unit in Canberra in the beautiful suburb of Page. These have been years of healing for me in meditation and quietness, a precious time being close to my Father. The Lord miraculously instructed me to go to Canberra opening teaching and tutoring in academic skills and management at the University of Canberra to provide for myself as Chaplain.

Now the practical stuff.

Initially, I thought, I have a tent and camping gear, that will do. I can get along with that. A friend suggested I write letting you know what is happening and my needs. Over the last forty years as a University Chaplain, I have always provided for myself in university ministry by working in tertiary teaching and facilitating workshops for corporations and government departments in management/leadership, communication skills and group/team skills. Only once, at James Cook University as the University Chaplain from 2004 till 2009, I received funds for five years from the university, the Catholic Diocese, the Anglican Diocese, the North Queensland Uniting Churches and some independent churches, a total of $24,500 each year. I was a single parent of two teenagers. I saw the amazing provision of God.

This time it is different. I cannot do this on the rough, it will not work for me where I am at physically. I intend to support myself on the road where I can, by teaching academic skills, leadership skills, team/group skills to year 11 and 12 (High Schools) students to prepare them for life and/or university.

However, the focus will be serving groups, Christian or not, whoever and wherever they are, to give encouragement and care to equip them and to raise them up in God. I know how tough it is to work in regional Australia. I love Scripture and interceding for those God lays on my heart. God has invested much in me over the last forty years.

I need proper travelling accommodation for two years that is simple, easy to use, reasonably priced to provide a stable living environment; I hope to buy a lightweight Pop-Top caravan for Mickey (my little dog mate) and myself. I am restricted by the 1200kg towing capacity of the Honda Accord V6 sedan. I have been searching online what is available, there are many options. I have $3,000. I will put towards that towards the purchase of the caravan. The balance I will need help with. The other possibility is to trade my car for a campervan.

If you find what I have said of interest, would you be prepared to donate funds to assist me to purchase this Pop-Top caravan or campervan? That would enable me to live without pressure over the next two years. I say two years as a commitment because that is what I have in my spirit now. It may be longer.

Thanking you in the Lord. May His abundant peace and blessings be upon you and yours regardless of your response. (Be free, I have no expectations of anyone. I love to see people free)

Your brother,

Wayne

Rev (Ret’d) Wayne R Crockford BA (SocSci) Cert IV (TAA) Cert IV (Small Bus)
Discipleship, Pastoral Care, Leadership
Pastoral Team, Heartland Ministries, 0412385477 (Crosslink Christian Network)
University: Teacher (Semi-retired), Academic Skills, Management, Social Sciences;
Former University Chaplain (Ret’d) UNSW, JCU, UC

PS For those who know, the Doctoral Research programme I enrolled in at Alphacrucis College, Melbourne I withdrew from this year. The reasons were debilitating sickness prohibited my continuance. Also, RPL was not available for my extensive experience and knowledge in management/leadership, church etc. I was not able to meet their requirements.

I will continue with the Research interviewing people. If you have people, I can interview while I travel or people I may assist would you please connect us together once I discern where I am to go with these COVID-19 restrictions. Thank you.
The Doctoral research questions were FYI:

“What are people in the house church movement and in other self-governed and self – sustaining groups identifying with the Christian tradition in Australia saying about the Pentecostal, Charismatic and Evangelical institutional forms they rejected?

What alternatives to these institutional forms do they explore, and what are the consequences of those alternatives for their community and their expressions of faith and spirituality?

How does leadership form, and how is it exercised in both contexts?”